sears-wishbook

THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS -- On the cusp of the 2005 holiday season, the organization known as the Elf Lung Federation (known by the recursive acronym ELF) has filed a $30 billion lawsuit against its long-time employer, Kris Kringle. In question--whether Kringle (aka Sinterklaas aka Santa Claus) is responsible for the nearly one thousand reported cases of Pneumoconiosis or "black lung" in the North Pole elf community. The ELF lawsuit argues that elves have contracted black lung as a result of the occupational hazards of some elf work. Going back to the 19th century, Santa Claus has been keeping a yearly ledger of who among his believers has bee

It's not true.  What they vulgarly joke about why the Missus and I don't have any children.  Ovarian cysts.  Yup.  Back before doctors really knew what ovarian cysts were.  All the doctors figured on was them being the source of her pain.  So, they removed her ovaries--taking with them our only chance at carrying on our bloodline.  Sure, we have a few scattered relatives with kids of their own.  And of course all the world's children--good and bad--are like our own, but it's not exactly the same.  Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if we'd had kids.  I'd probably not have gotten as chubby as I did.  At least not so early on.  Kids

As I once told my old friend, The Winter Warlock, "You put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking out the door." I'm putting one old booted foot in front of the other and starting a collection of images of old toys I've delivered throughout the years.  The elves that didn't go on summer break are scanning pages from the old Christmas catalogues.  They're new to Photoshop, so their productivity will be low at first.  For all the true deviant boys and girls out there--and I know who you are--this is the closest you will come to getting real toys this year.  For everyone else, keep up the good work.  It's very much appreciated